Kaylee Muthart, a young woman from Anderson, South Carolina, has opened up about the shocking circumstances that led her to gouge out her own eyes while under the influence of drugs.
Once a straight-A student and a member of the National Honor Society, Muthart left school at 17 during her junior year. Struggling with long work hours, a heart arrhythmia, and slipping grades, she decided to take a break from school to preserve her academic record. She aspired to study marine biology and earn a college scholarship but never returned to her studies.
By 18, Muthart was socially drinking and regularly smoking marijuana. Despite having a family history of addiction, she avoided what she considered “harder” drugs. However, at 19, she experienced a disorienting high after smoking marijuana she believes was laced with either cocaine or methamphetamine. The experience, which made her feel closer to God, deeply affected her and led her to distance herself from a friend she felt had betrayed her.
Her life soon began to spiral. Unemployed and overwhelmed, she turned to alcohol, marijuana, and eventually Xanax to cope. After a breakup, her mental health declined further. She eventually experimented with ecstasy and, while under its influence, misinterpreted religious texts, convincing herself that methamphetamine could deepen her spiritual connection.
By late 2017, Muthart began using meth regularly, progressing from smoking to snorting and injecting the drug. Her attempts to quit were unsuccessful, and her mother struggled to get her into rehab without legal proof that she was a danger to herself. Muthart continued to reassure her family that she was in control, but her delusions deepened.
In February 2018, after taking an exceptionally large dose of meth, Muthart began hallucinating while walking along railroad tracks. Convinced she needed to make a sacrifice to save the world, she believed she had to tear out her eyes. Acting on this delusion, she pressed her fingers into her eye sockets and gouged them out. A local pastor heard her screams of “I want to see the light!” and restrained her before she could harm herself further.
When paramedics arrived, Muthart was still clutching her damaged eyes. She was sedated and airlifted to Greenville Memorial Hospital, where doctors removed the remains of her optic nerves to prevent infection. While she recovered, her mother, who had been in the process of obtaining a court order to have her committed, was devastated to learn she had been too late.
During her recovery, Muthart entered a psychiatric treatment facility, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now blind, she has committed to staying off drugs and is optimistic about her future. Despite the challenges of her condition, she still dreams of becoming a marine biologist and says the experience has put her back on the right path.
“It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path,” Muthart said. “But from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”
